Exposure.

The elements are missing out these days. They're not getting to work on anyone, bar the homeless and lost.

Has anyone considered the plight of the elements?

They're under-employed, left to weather the rooves of houses, the windows of churches, and the carcass of cast aside couches. They never get to work on US any more. That's sad. And it's a shame.

I don't think I'm alone when I say that the elements harp back to the real days. Back when people were killed by exposure. Those were romantic times. Now it's like a game. They've got to get up early to catch us as we dash to our cars, busses and trains. We dart from shelter to shelter for fear of discomfort. And that must suck for rain hail and shine. It's like the weather is a slightly overweight kid at school, and when you play chasey, if you can't catch anyone else, you just cop out and tag him. Now, the slightly portly child that is the elements has no chance. We agile young things sprint away, leaving him without so much as a sniff. Occasionally it gets boring not being "It". So we go on holiday. We let the fat kid catch us, we feel what it's like to be caught by the elements. Just for a week or two, maybe somewhere sunny, maybe somewhere cold, we go there, feel the gentle wrath of our weather of choice, and then come home. Safe and sound.

I think it's much the same way we have learnt to deal with the video store. Remember the wealth of variety we used to have at the video store. Ten thousand different films, from all different directors and different genres and different times. The DVD killed that. The video store took the opportunity to streamline our choice. Minimise loitering time by reducing choice. Now, you go into Blockbuster, and it's two thousand copies of five different films. And even then, they're all the fucken same...

Character A and character B could not be more different. But as they travel form point A to point B they discover something important about A. Themselves and B. Each other. Mwahaha, four stars, what a film!

Fuck off. Give me shit 80's psuedo-porns. Give me poorly written, clunky action films starring Dolf Lundgren. Give me hilariously bad horrors like Demonic Toys. Give me tripe. give me tat. Give me all the bad imitaions of Steel Magnolias. Give me Chris Farley. Give me bad sci-fi. Give me Rick Moranis in far too many sequels. Give me Snow, give me sleet. Give me baking on a bus or freezing on a train.

If we don't even get to deal with exposure to 40 years worth of b-grade films, how the fuck are we gonna cope when we have to deal with the elements?

Coz one day, the bus won't come. You'll wait and you'll wait in the sun or the rain until you whither and die of exposure. All because you never experienced the abrassive comedy of the Earnest series or the pointed plot turns in anything starring David Spade.