If you don't read this, someone you know will.

Everything causes cancer. Red wine. White wine. No wine. Whining. Winning. Losing. Soothing. Moving. Standing still. There's an old saying, the more you know (that causes cancer), the more you know you don't know (that causes cancer). I'm pretty sure that's the saying anyway.

There's more and more cancer being found thanks to advancements in the field of diagnosis. But I'm not sure that's the only reason. Maybe we're just a bit weaker than we used to be. My old man spent his childhood without suncream. He'd get burnt to a crisp day after day of each long Australian summer. He got skin cancer. But only once. I've spent my whole life putting cream on, along with most of my generation, and one of my mates has just been diagnosed with skin cancer.

It makes me think. Does suncream stop skin cancer? No. Does suncream cause skin cancer? Maybe.

That would be weird. Remember the old black and white footage of kids in a pool being sprayed with asbestos to prove it was safe? That went pretty pear-shaped.

But what if suncream does cause cancer? Years of government warnings to Slip, slop, slap.

Apply it liberally. Put it all over your face. Put it on the childern. Lots of it. On their faces. Rub it in. Into their faces.

That'd be pretty hard core. And not particularly amusing. Unless you're twisted. But it's 37 degrees today and I'm about to go to the beach. I think I'll take my chances with suncream.

booze news for youse.

Okay Australia, I think you've had enough.

You've been drinking all day and you're a mess. Look at you. You're dehydrated. You're abusive. You're getting in fights and you're spending money you don't have. That's enough.

It's a common claim that alcohol is ruining this country. Crime. Violence. Domestic abuse. Car crashes. The drink's got a hold on us, but we can't hold it. Makes sense. But I don't think we should blame alcohol. Alcohol's done great things in the past. It's social lubricancy has kept the cogs of society running smooth for years. It's responsible for the birth of many of us. And at least once a year we read a great story about an elephant eating old berries and going on a rampage (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21432722/from/ET/). Alcohol's getting a bad wrap.

Alcohol isn't ruining Australia, Australia's ruining alcohol.

Our inability to stop when we're in a decent state makes us a country of messy boozers. It's not enough to get drunk, we need to get DRUUUUU(hic!)UUUUUUNK!

Why?

Is it the last thing we grab on to at night to prove our prowess in the macho arena?

"Six cocksucking cowboy's thanks"

Maybe.

Is it because we're rebelling against measures to slow down our drinking?

"I'm gonna stick it to the man. But first I'm gonna have one more..."

Possibly.

Is it because it's 'part of our culture'?

"Happy 21st. It's a funnel of goon."

Surely.

What ever the reason, it's no good excuse. We egg one another on to get blind, then we do stupid shit and blame alcohol. If alcohol had a choice, he wouldn't be mates with us after all the shit we lay on him.

Who crashed the car? Not me, I blame the alcohol. I didn't cheat on you honey, alcohol did. Nah, alcohol brought that street sign home.

I'm just saying sometimes it's not alcohols fault. It's yours, dickhead.

But only sometimes.

Cheers.