If you don't read this, someone you know will.

Everything causes cancer. Red wine. White wine. No wine. Whining. Winning. Losing. Soothing. Moving. Standing still. There's an old saying, the more you know (that causes cancer), the more you know you don't know (that causes cancer). I'm pretty sure that's the saying anyway.

There's more and more cancer being found thanks to advancements in the field of diagnosis. But I'm not sure that's the only reason. Maybe we're just a bit weaker than we used to be. My old man spent his childhood without suncream. He'd get burnt to a crisp day after day of each long Australian summer. He got skin cancer. But only once. I've spent my whole life putting cream on, along with most of my generation, and one of my mates has just been diagnosed with skin cancer.

It makes me think. Does suncream stop skin cancer? No. Does suncream cause skin cancer? Maybe.

That would be weird. Remember the old black and white footage of kids in a pool being sprayed with asbestos to prove it was safe? That went pretty pear-shaped.

But what if suncream does cause cancer? Years of government warnings to Slip, slop, slap.

Apply it liberally. Put it all over your face. Put it on the childern. Lots of it. On their faces. Rub it in. Into their faces.

That'd be pretty hard core. And not particularly amusing. Unless you're twisted. But it's 37 degrees today and I'm about to go to the beach. I think I'll take my chances with suncream.