The Tide

There are a number of issues in Oz that are dealt with like a tide. Boat people, aged care, the plight of Aboriginals in the outback. Stuff like this. Passion, care and outrage come up and down, up and down.

“It’s inhumane! ... Oh, there’s a sale at Myer”

“Something needs to be done! ... as soon as I get back from the beach”

“Let’s march on parliament... via that nice little cafe on Crown Street.”

But as long as this tide’s going in and out, nothing will ever get done. These issues will never get resolved. That’s why, if we want to solve the boat people debacle, look after the oldies, close the quality of life gap, we need to stop the tide of apathy and empathy. And there’s only one way to stop the tide.

We need to GET RID OF THE MOON!

What does the moon do? Fuck all. Sure it’s a Mecca for weight loss and flag storage, but you know it’s also the number one cause of Warewolfery? Plus, it only ever works nights. Sometimes, it barely bothers to show up at all, and when it does it just parades around.

“Look at me, aren’t I bright?”

Have you seen the sun?

I’m just saying, if we wanna solve our problems, we’ve gotta think big. And once we manage this moon-redundancy, I’ll let you in on my plan of action to wipe out sunburn once and for all.